2 November 2015

Hi,

How are you? Are you doing well there? Have you eat your dinner? How's your day? Sorry, I can't hold myself. It's been almost a month since our break up and you haven't replied anything from me. Are you happy there? How's your friends? How's your, special, friend? Sorry. Sorry if I am always judging you. I am sorry.

It's my first day in the new office. The workload seems to be not as heavy as the previous one. I came home at 6 pm and I took the longest bath ever. It took one and a half hour for me to stay in the shower and listening to sad songs. I am crying, sitting, and then shouting. I scream your name. I miss you.

Hi,

You must have felt very annoyed with me now. With all of my emails and all the stupid things that I've done, you just simply get enough of me. I've called your friends just to know your condition. But then I always ended up crying, regretting. I know that you said he's not a special person, but still, the way you post everything and spend your day with him, it burns me. I know. I have no right any more to be mad at you. No, I never have the right for that since the first time we met. You are always free.

I keep imagining that after office I would go home and you would call, or at least greet me with your warm love. Then I will take a shower and video call you. We talk and talk, forget about the hour. And I will see you fallen asleep. It will be a pleasant time. 

You are beautiful. You are beautiful without your make up, you are beautiful when you wake up in the morning. I keep remembering how you used to wake up in the morning. I will kiss you and see your smile. I will hug you and say that I love you. Then we fall back to sleep, wishing that we will keep like that forever.

But.

You are not here.

You are not here for me any longer.

You have been far away.

Your heart is no longer mine.

Your heart....

Has been freed.

While I'm stuck. I'm stuck between our memories. I still can't accept the reality that you are no longer mine. The reality that you don't want to contact me any more. Despite all the things we have been through. Despite all the sweet things that you have said to me. Despite all the things that we've promised together. Despite the picture of our future that we've drawn together. Despite the love we've felt for these years. Despite everything.

How are you Roselyn? I wish you happy.

I still love you. 

This much.

Always.

I am so sorry.